I wrote this 3 years ago

i don't mind cutting the grass. i don't mind trimming the hedges, or planting stuff, or pulling weeds, or dispersing fertilizer.

but i hate raking leaves.

for some reason, there are always too many.

you could rake every week and still use up 6 trash bags each time.

how are leaves still falling? it's march; every tree i see is green.

and yet, i hear a crunch whenever i walk through my yard.

are they committing suicide? do depressed leaves think that their lives are worse than their friends' and thus decide to permanently detach themselves from the leaf community?

do they commit abortions? are there dude leaves and chick leaves? and then when the chick leaf gets pregnant, her boyfriend leaves her for a sexy lilthing on another branch, so the chick throws her baby off the tree?

is it a form of execution? is the jail tree branch overcrowded, so they just get rid of the serial killer leaves and rapist leaves?

and of course, when you think you've gotten them all, take a look around. there are still leaves you weren't able to get with the leaf blower or the rake. so then you have to do it again.

your only option is to take it like a man and start raking. and by the time you're done, both of your hands are polluted with blisters and half the day is gone. not to mention the grass stains on your jeans, which are sticking to your legs from all the sweat.

moral of the story: buy a mulching lawn mower.

that, or only plant evergreens.